Step 1. Have a brother who’s wife was just murdered. Step 2. Go to their house with a cop coworker to clean up the blood. Step 3. Afterward, start crying about how you don’t understand your brother. Step 4. Start kissing your coworker, then rip off all your clothes and do it on the kitchen floor. Of the house your sister-in-law was just murdered in. Right after you clean up a bathroom covered in her blood.
Make sure you don’t hesitate at all or make any mention of how wrong it is until after it’s over.
Bonus points if any of your last three relationships were a serial killer, a police informant, and an FBI agent shot and killed by the daughter of the same person who killed your sister-in-law.
No, I don’t believe in him, personally. But I do believe that others believe in him, which makes him just as real to them as anything else, and I respect that. Even if God isn’t real, the concept of him has undeniably affected more lives than anything else in the history of human civilization, in good ways and bad.
I’ve been to Sunday mass, I’ve prayed to God, I’ve even got some Christian rock on my iPod. Some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned were ones I learned in a church. But I’m no saint, either. I lie, I steal, I use his name in vain, I work seven days a week sometimes. If there is a hell, I’ve got my boarding pass.
I just never felt a connection to the beliefs. I don’t believe that there’s a bearded white guy sitting in the clouds, deciding our fates. I don’t believe there’s a horned red guy sitting underground, torturing the naughty people. There may have been a dude named Jesus two thousand years ago, but I have a hard time believing he walked on water or turned it into wine.
What I’m trying to say here is that even though I don’t believe in God or any of his aliases, it doesn’t mean I don’t care what you believe in. If you say grace, I’ll bow my head. If you kneel on a rug facing Mecca, I’ll be quiet and respectful while you pray.
I don’t understand why religion comes between people so often. The church fanatics try to push the bible down your ears, the non-believers yell from rooftops about how stupid religion is. Trust me, at least one out of every ten people is a raging idiot, but it has nothing to do with religion. To generalize and disown a group of people you don’t even know is wrong. It’s discrimination, just like racism and sexism. That makes you the raging idiot.
Just wanted to get that out there. I really hate when the topic of religion comes up in conversation and there’s that bigmouth there that has to denounce every way of life but his own.
Just be who you are and accept others for who they are.